Top 10 Scientific Lessons we have learnt from The King and I:

(1)       When native Siamese speakers are together in a room, they always speak English to each other, but with a Siamese accent.

(2)       After just one English lesson, Siamese speakers feel confident using obscure English words like “protectorate” and “proclamation“.

(3)       Furthermore, it is possible to Polka like a National Champ after only one brief dance lesson.

(4)       Siamese twins don’t have to be co-joined but they should at least hold hands at all times to give the impression.

(5)       Sitting up all night reading the bible is not necessarily protection against pregnancy.

(6)       If you are going to have 12 children, you might as well have 77. Twelve make the same amount of noise.

(7)       Map sellers in England need lessons in bubble-wrapping. When a brand new map is sent from England to the East, it arrives looking like a very old map.

(8)       The fastest growing industry in Siam circa 1865 was clearly Surgical Knee Reconstructions.

(9)       The second fastest growing industry in Siam circa 1865 was obviously Trauma Counselling for psychological damage caused by those dreaded surprise gong frights.

(10)     It usually takes a week to sail from Songkla to Bangkok, but if there are no women on board who want to stop and look at every single shop and market on the way, the trip can be done in just 18 hours.

Titles Rejected by Rodgers & Hammerstein:

 Beauty and the Barbarian

 I Am What Siam

 The King and Irene

 Monks on the Run

 The Puzzlement of Tuptim’s Tan

 77 Brides for 7 Brothers

 There’s No Business like Snow Business

 Lady Thiang and the Amazing Technicolor Map

 Buddha Wouldn’t Melt in her Mouth

 The King and the Coronary

 The Gong Show

 The Merry Widow of Taffy Tom

 All at Sea with Captain Orton

 Okla-krala-homa

 Uncle Thomas and the Trouble with Surprise House Guests

 With a Song-Kla in my Heart

 Mrs Anna, The Hoop Skirt and the Midget